Navigating attraction: Preference or Prejudice
Recently, when asked to speak at an all-boys private school on the topics of equality, diversity, and inclusion, the conversation with the group of mostly white young men turned to the question: "Is it racist not to be 'into' (or attracted to) black women/men, or is it just a preference?" After this discussion, and a similar one with another school on the other side of the country the following week, it became clear that this question needed to be explored and, if possible, resolved.
As we examine our sexual attraction, it is important to keep in mind our historical context. South Africa, like many other countries, has a long history of racial classification and discrimination. In 2019, we find ourselves in an era where we are striving to overcome our internalized prejudices while also grappling with the ways in which they remain deeply ingrained in our societal structures. We cannot assume that "sexual attraction" is not influenced by toxic notions of white superiority and black inferiority.
Attraction is complex and multi-faceted, and not fully understood. Our seemingly "innocent" preferences, those things we consider to be pleasing to our senses, are actually deeply influenced by our societal structures. The factors that govern our sexual attraction include biological factors, models of intimacy we observed during childhood, sexualized behaviors and images that are available to us, our traditions, fashions, social status, religion, politics, leisure interests, intelligence, family ties, and so on. At a basic level, however, attraction is based on something that we find valuable or see as valuable. This is the starting point for exploring the question of preference vs. prejudice.
A simple image search of the word "beauty" on Google yields few women of color. Of course, this is not because women of color are not beautiful, but because they are not being portrayed as beautiful in mainstream media. This representation serves to distort, support, and influence people's ideas of beauty (what they see as valuable) - with the equation of "white" with "beautiful" continuing to be accepted by many.
Whether we want to admit it or not, what we see as valuable is inextricably linked to historical practices of race classification, superiority/inferiority, and the ascription of value and privileges to certain groups of people. Our history of race-based value still exists within our society and continues to influence what we believe to be valuable or attractive. Furthermore, societal and familial pressure, shame, and stigma associated with interracial relationships, also born from our history of ascribing different value for different races, also plays a big role in attraction. If from a young age we are influenced to believe that interracial relationships are bad, not as harmonious or socially acceptable as homogenous relationships, this will absolutely affect who we would be "attracted" to, when we understand that humans view attraction as the precursor to partnership. By "cutting off the attraction", we limit the potential, future hardship, and the shame and rejection we fear we would receive from our family and society.
In a world that has historically devalued black and brown beauty, to say that one's attraction is purely a preference without prejudice allows us to avoid the discomfort of having to internally reflect on whom we ascribe value. Additionally, it allows us to deny the fact that all of us, regardless of race, have, to varying degrees, internalized the historical narratives of who is valuable, beautiful, and worthy and who is not.
When it comes to race, beauty is not just in the eye of the beholder, free from external influence and manipulation. To those out there reading this, recognising prejudice doesn’t have to mean accusation and leaping to one’s own defence. Nor does it necessitate the internalising of guilt and shame at holding such beliefs. Recognising these prejudices is an opportunity to check ourselves – it is a first step to thinking a little, listening a little, and transforming.
